Finding a place

One thing I have noticed about Gould is that he seems to constantly unsure of his place in the world. He seems to be very lost and confused, and wants to distinguish himself from the masses of convicts that he is grouped with. He tries to reaffirm his place in the world by repeating his name multiple times, followed by a rather unflattering description of himself (91). Following this, he repeatedly says that he does not care what others think, but I think he is being a bit too defensive. He seems to be someone who protects himself by pretending that he does not care.

However, Gould is unable to hold this pretense consistently. His vulnerabilities come out multiple times, the saddest of which is when he is listening to the Commandant and his plans for the island. He finds hope in the plans that the Commandant is making, because, as he says, "this offered us a purpose, a meaning, something that meant we weren't convicts, something beyond the Cradle & the Tube Gag, & that's what we all craved," (103). This shows his desperation to be a distinct individual, and to want to be a separate entity and to essentially have an identity. He wants an opportunity to be someone that matters, and to be someone in himself. This little bit of hope is destroyed almost as soon as it comes to him, as he sees the island and its misery as soon as they land. This attempt to be someone comes up repeatedly. When the surgeon comes to see Gould for the first time, he attempts to "look like a man of some dignity," (109) which just shows how hopeless his situation really is. Gould, at this point, is nowhere close to being who he wants to be, and this may be one of the reasons that he takes up painting - it sets him apart from the crowds of convicts that just blend into each other.

Gould, for all his contempt for the criticasters and their 'definitions,' seems to need definition in order to feel secure. He loses his place in the world when speaking to the surgeon, and this terrifies him because he has no real confirmation that his life is real (112). Gould may have been a good philosopher, but his lack of conviction that he actually does have a place in the world is one of his biggest weaknesse, as much as he tries to play it off. The most ironic part of it all is that the one thing with which he defines himself, his name, William Buelow Gould, is not really a part of him, but pieces taken from other people and other lives. Gould has no anchor, and this is the root of all of his insecurities and his fears.